Slim, slim pickings this week. Unlike other release dates this holiday season, it's mostly pointless past flops, lots of repackaged TV series, and just a couple of commendable titles on tap to turn your gift-giving head. Believe it or not, it was hard to find seven movies worth mentioning this week, what with all the reissues, double dips, and peculiar pairings. Things pick up a little next week – the last Tuesday before that jolly old elf makes with the philanthropic all nighter – but its clear that most of the good stuff, DVD wise, has already hit the teeming marketplace. Perhaps the best advice we here at SE&L can give you is to go back over past versions of "Who's Minding the Store", break out the pen and ink, and make your own list of what titles are naughty, and those that would be nice, especially sitting under the delightfully decorated artificial tree. If you're still concerned about what awaits your slowly deteriorating dollars this 12 December, here's the lean loot available:
For starters – what's up with the udders? Male cows do not have such suckling items, and their inclusion marks just how completely clueless this stale CGI mess really is. The product of the mangled mind of one Steve Oedekerk (responsible for the repugnant Kung Pow: Enter the Fist and those routinely dumb Thumb parodies), this lazy look at farm critters "after dark" is stylistically reminiscent of the man's other computer generated venture – the far superior Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. What gets lost here amongst all the stunt casting, pop culture referencing rot is anything that would make this 3D effort stand out from the dozens of derivative efforts that seem to arrive in theaters every other month. While extremely young kids might find something to like – or nap over - during the film's overlong 90 minute running time, adults will groan at yet another example of a newfound artform cannibalizing itself.
As if the initial release wasn't bad enough. When it arrived in theaters last year, Narnia did everything it could to poise itself as the next Lord of the Rings. Sadly, except for truly dedicated fans of the C. S. Lewis serial, the response was more tepid than titanic. Still, a sequel is in the works, and now, in full Peter Jackson form, Disney is dropping a holiday-timed "extended edition" of the film, complete with added footage and a ton of supplementary content. Does this make the otherwise earnest epic any better? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Can Disney count on a LOTR's like return on their digital investment? Oddly enough, the answer is probably yes. Fans love to look at differing versions of a favorite title, while the uninitiated may use such an opportunity to finally seek out this effort. Either way, DVDs will be flying off shelves, and for the House of Mouse, the bottom line is all that really matters (see below).
It was Summer 2006's most unlikely blockbuster, a satiric character comedy that put lots of repeat business butts in the seats week in and week out. While other major releases had their three days (or less) in the sun before slowly slinking off into that promotional abyss known as quick turnaround land, this adaptation of Lauren Weisberger's book had the acting chops to hold out and hang on. Part of Devil's success sits directly on the relationship between Anne Hathaway's Andy Sachs and the magnificent Meryl Streep's Miranda Priestly. Anyone who thought this was pure chick flick territory obviously didn't know the story's underpinnings, and while much of the movie is a coming to terms between a New York neophyte and a big shot bitter design magazine diva, there is much more here than heart and chutzpah. Thanks to the perfect performances, and David Frankel's nuanced direction, what appeared rather obvious actually ended up being very multifaceted and multi-layered.
It was an incredibly odd project for director Oliver Stone. In between the antiwar vitriol of Born on the Fourth of July (which won the filmmaker his second Academy Award) and the monumental conspiracy theory screed of that epic masterpiece known as JFK, the controversial artist took on the story of one of rock's most enigmatic offerings. With the inspired casting of Val Kilmer as Jim Morrison – he maintains the perfect combination of animal magnetism and self-destruction insensitivity – and Stone's typical way with historic recreation, the late '60s on the Sunset Strip come to vivid, visionary life. No one except for Scorsese and Tarantino handles music as well as Stone, and the recreations of famous moments in the Doors' legacy are superb. Only Meg Ryan sticks out as a far too post-modern mate for Morrison. Otherwise, this is a lost gem from a director who seems destined to constantly create same.
As mentioned before, Uncle Walt's world definitely understands how to market its mythos – mostly to its own detriment. Recognized by many animation lovers as low rent cartooning to begin with, the original Fox and the Hound didn't really require any more attention other than the dismal box office and middling home video viability it managed. Never one to pass by a chance to cash in on someone's love of their legacy however, the Mickey merchandising machine has churned out yet another unnecessary sequel, a lamentable effort poised to join other dreary double dips like Return to Neverland and Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp's Adventure. That collective groan you hear is the united consumer consciousness turning off to these obvious money making ploys. The other noise you'll recognize – it's parents ponying up for another digital babysitter for their entertainment starved wee ones.
It's funny…at one point in time, it looked like this film would be best remembered for its numbskulled NASCAR humor only (talk about shooting redneck fish in a barrel). Then a little film named Borat hit movie theaters, and suddenly everyone remembered that Sacha Baron Cohen also appeared here as the French racecar driver Jean Girard. Now, that's all you see in the ads hyping the DVD release – star Will Ferrell and Cohen going toe to toe, trading trackside insults. While this second tier comedy from a fourth level SNLer was winning enough for most, it is clear that those in publicity recognized that a little Kazakhstan karma never hurt anyone. Oddly enough, as Cohen's star is rising, Farrell failed to capture a comparative audience for his recent semi-serious outing, Stranger than Fiction. Even if his fans argue that such subtlety is not the comedian's funny business forte, it's possible that this may be Ferrell's last legitimate hit for quite some time.
It's so strange to think that this movie was made by the same man described in the Doors' discussion above. For decades, Oliver Stone has been an aggressive agent provocateur, not a flag-waving jingoist. Yet here he is, the man responsible for calling into question almost every political power within the last three decades doing a nice, noble job of telling the true story of two Port Authority police officers during 9/11. In Nicholas Cage and Michael Pena, Stone found two actors capable of carrying off their scenes while buried under tons of art department rubble, and the initial scenes of the terrorist attack, all suggestion and subtle shifts in personnel and perspective, are expertly done. Towards the end, when the trapped men's families start freaking out, the movie looses a little of its bearing, but overall, Stone taps into the national nightmare of that fateful day, and delivers a devastating drama.
And Now for Something Completely Different:
In a weekly addition to "Who's Minding the Store", SE&L will feature an off title disc worth checking out. For 5 December:
There is something incredibly surreal about smut when it tries to be serious. And no one understood the oddity of earnest Eros better than Roberta Findlay. While her husband concentrated on his perverted slasher storylines, movies mixing sexiness with sadism in ever harsher helpings, the Missus made softcore sagas involving women discovering their long lost inner lesbian. Both Babette and Monique feature Linda Boyce as an overly verbose narrator explaining – and exposing – the seedy underworld of New York's numerous secret societies. Thanks to incredibly arcane descriptions that would have gloomy Goth girl poets blushing from an overabundance of flowery prose pleasantries, and your standard late '60s selection of barmaids, hippies and artist models, what we end up with is a men's magazine come to life. If you like your fake fornication brazen, bawdy, and in black and white, this December release from Something Weird Video will definitely stir your subdued Sapphic sentiments.