Let’s go on a little bullshit hunt, shall we?
The following quotes are from the promotional material sent with this CD:
1. “One listen to the first single ‘Back Here,’ and it is clear why it was an instant hit overseas.”
This appears to be at least partially true — my sources tell me it reached about #15 on the British charts.
2. “America, get ready for your Mak Attack!”
Well, the implied connection with McDonalds is actually quite apt. This is nothing if not fast-food music.
3. “They’ve already caused a sensation overseas!”
Technically true, I suppose — number one in Japan, apparently — which kinda shoots holes in my Japanese audiences are better theory (See Ryuchi Sakamoto review.)
4. “BBMak are far from a boy band. They write much of their own music, play instruments, produce their songs…”
That may well be, but as there’s no credits on the CD…
5. “When you hear BBMak, what you’re hearing is actually our personalities.”
Personally, I wouldn’t want people to think my personality was reflected by lines like “You caress my face, like you done before, but different,” but maybe that’s just me.
6. “The group’s sound, which seamlessly blends rock, pop and soul, is unique.”
Would it be bad criticism to just say hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha here?
7. “I think love is a subject that everyone can relate to so that’s what we write most about,’ Ste says. ‘Most of our songs are either happy love songs or sad love songs.”
Translation: We want to have hits. God, do we want to have hits.
8. “I just took the initials from our names and that’s how I came up with it,’ he adds. ‘It’s like Burns, Barry and McNally — you can’t explain us any better.”
Well, maybe. Or it could stand for Boy Bands Make A Killing.
9. “You can hear Mark playing the Irish whistle on the atmospheric ballad ‘Again.”
Translation: You know, the Titanic movie and soundtrack did very well among our target demographic.
The next sheet of hype is printed as a mock newspaper called The Hollywood Times (BBMak’s label is Hollywood Records, which is a division of Disney. Remember that, it’s going to come up later.) It’s not clear whether they think they’re actually fooling anyone with the mock paper or if they’re trying to be funny. Either way, they don’t succeed. Now, on with the countdown:
10. “Every country in the whole world has named BBMak’s upcoming CD…as the most anticipated event of the year 2000.”
Thank God we have global unity on something. Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now.
11. “You’ll be…seeing a Disney Channel Special.”
Uh-huh. did I mention that Hollywood Records is a division of Disney?
12. “Check out www.bbmak.com. The leaders of the free world say you have to.”
Well, now we know what Bill’s been doing hanging around the White House…
And by the way — remember what I was saying about BBMak’s target demographic?
13. “Look for BBMak in the following: 16, Blast, Bop, Cosmogirl, Disney Adventures (Did I mention that Hollywood Records is a division of Disney?-BV), The Donny and Marie Show, FF Magazine, Girl’s Life, J-14 Jump, Moxy Girl, Popstar, Seventeen, Super Teen, Teen Beat, Teen Celebrity, TEEN, Teen Machine, Teen People, Tiger Beat, YM and more…”
Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “He hasn’t said anything about the music-I have no idea how that sounds.” Yes, you do. But to spell it out: Picture all the annoying harmonies of N’Sync, the Backstreet Boys, or more likely one of the umpteen knockoffs lower on the pop food chain. I like a good harmony vocal, but you don’t have to harmonize Every Single Vowel. Every note that can be held, is held. Now picture that without any of the formulaic but undeniably entertaining in a disposable way techno-dance production of those groups, replaced by the easy-listening rock/pop sound, complete with the same cliched guitar chord changes on more than one song. And that’s that. And that’s no bullshit.